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Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Is There Enough Room In Your Marriage For Another

This whole “Marriage” subject

has gotten me thinking

about monogamy.

…..Not whether or not I can or have

been monogamous, because that’s a

non issue (not to mention I love my fiancé and value my life as well)

My concern is that people have totally pushed morals to the side.

In the past sharing yourself with more than 1 person was frowned upon….

Not to mention catching sh*t penicillin can’t cure lls and the pain it cost your partner

isn’t quite worth the risk.

The Morals of Marriage have gone by the waist side for what people consider to be “Happiness

I did some research!

I found a book called “The Ethical Slut

This book discusses how to live an active

Life with multiple concurrent sexual relationships

in a fair and honest way. Discussion topics include

how to deal with the practical difficulties and opportunities in finding and keeping partners, maintaining

relationships with others, and strategies for personal growth.


To me this makes a slut sound ethical duh smh… which I’m not here to judge…just stating what I’ve interpreted and to me that makes no sense….It implies that you can love someone, want him or her to be happy…but that shouldn’t change by having sex with additional people.

May be this makes sense to others,

but not to me….


When I was younger I probably would have thought it was possible..

but giving yourself to one is the ultimate commitment if you ask me.

The book also posits that an artificial ‘economy of scarcity’ in sex leads to jealousy and possessiveness.

This is pretty much saying that

because sex is ‘rare’ it has and increased value, and is therefore

treasured unreasonably? It’s not anti-monogamy, but it’s pro-polygamy.

Don’t you find that these things don’t usually work

in real life? I know I want my partner

To be happy, but I also want all of her hugs and kisses to myself?

What do you think?


Mizrepresent said...

I'm with you!If you are gonna sleep around, what's the point of being committed?

Random Thoughts said...

I agree with Mizrepresent n u Champ. Y b committed if u gonna jus do u. For all that jus di u n dont tie others down while u r free to do u. I think its jus a elaborate lie to convince themselves they not doin anything wrong. Its wrong anyways but if u gonna b out there have no strings. Ppl catch feelings even when they least expect it. Not to mention its too many diseases out here to b puttin ur goods on the crap table n crap out.

Meagan said...

Huh what do I think?
You've read my post, and have commented on my blog before about this very topic. I think people's expectations of marriage is unrealistic. I think that marriage is idealized, made to mimic the so called ever after syndrome. I think it's wonderful when two people can commit and be as one but I think it's humanly impossible to never desire another even after you've said I do. So call it what you will we are of flesh and for those reasons alone we are imperfect in every way.

Hope you drop me a line on my side I think you'll find it relatable and very relevant.

25champ said...


@peaches27....couldn't agree more :)..seems ppl would rather rationalize their faults rather than just staying single.

@Meagan....Even if how you feel about marriage is's not fair to bring some1 into your situation without out them feeling the same...It's selfish to think that someone who is committed to just you is willing to have that same free spirit...Like I said I'm not judging any1...I figure if you want to do your own thing than you should just remain single....hope no offense is taken

Daij said...

i agree with mizrepresent!

Snake said...

Champ . . . You've done a good job of stating the case for monogamy . . . I do agree in theory with much of your viewpoint . . . But when complex human behaviors and emotions get involved (as they do with all things), it can get complicated and those murky shades of gray kick in . . . My belief is that monogamy is not for everyone, and people need to take a very close look at who and what they are before committing themselves to someone coming from a different place . . . That being said, people get into relationships thinking one way, then personal growth takes them to another place completely, creating a dilemma . . . It's never simple, is it? But that's one of the beauties of life I suppose . . . We are left to ponder and analyze everyday we exist on this planet . . . Peace and love . . . Ciao

25champ said...

I feel u @Snake..but what happens when you have children...what about the foundation that you have 2 set for them..and whatever happened to self control..just because your emotions tell you something at the time doesn't mean it's something you should act is like alcohol most ppl don't do it moderatly and as a result mostly negative ish happends...theres only a few who do it responsibly and live a fullfilling life. Everything in life can't be a about desires or wants.... somethings are about morals....thanks 4 stopping by :)

Don said...

I am not sure if I could share my wife with another man or woman. And it's not so much the sex part of the equation, as much as it is the emotional involvement/attachment.

If she isn't my wife or looking to be....that would probably be another thing. Having cheated many times in life, I imagine I have "shared."

25champ said...

@Don...I totally understand where you are comming from...but just imagine if every1 was open to the "on" cheating...Most ppl can't control their egos so u know jeolousy comes rt after that....if you let everybdy tell it they are mature beyond their yrs, but we both know that simply not true...think of all the drama this lifestyle could cause... Think about how many more baby mommas and baby daddy's there would be smh lol...committed relationships give ppl the much needed stability you need in life when you embrace it, but most don't find that out until age sets in..If the family structure is already f ckd up now... I don't see how it could get any better 1nce u start openly sharing :)... Of course this wrks out if you never want family

JStar said...

I totally agree. whats the point in even being in a relationship if that person doesnt give you all that you need...I have always been a person that only has one partner even if its just me, cheating in a marriage is unacceptable...

25champ said...

@Jstar...couldn't agree more...sometimes I think ppl have just about given up on anything traditional...we are being preconditioned to believe that living your life totally devoted 2 another is a fairy tale smh :)...thanks 4 stopping by

Reggie said...

After 22 years of marriage I think that I can honestly say that the greatest perversion next to abstinence has gotta be monogamy.

25champ said...

@Reggie :) lls

Jen said...

I think that you are onto something. It seems like the value that marriage and monogamy once had is not there anymore. People have adapted to failed relationships and getting a divorce, then simply finding someone else. Personally, I don't want my life to be that way. I want to be with one person and spend my life with them.
While tv and movies may show that it's okay to have multiple partners and get a divorce I think it's sad. Why give yourself yourself away and not get anything back? Or now that it will end later?

Great post. Very thought provoking.

25champ said...

@Jen...I couldn't agree wit u more and Thankyou :)

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